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[04 Jul 2006|02:17pm] |
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Comdey Central o.O |
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I just got back from a swim which had followed the Pitman Fourth of July Parade. It was okay, I bought a pirate flag >.<
But yush...no one commented my shirt, which made me sad. :(
So yeah, it was kinda boring, but now, I flee to the mall for some fun! JO-Ann's here I come!!
I also started to make these cut-off's. They are white cargo like and I am putting splatters of orange, red, green, and shimmery gold on them to give them a fun feel.
So yeah, and I am brainstorming ideas for Donut Shoppe. It shall be awesome. >.<
i also have this taste of pills in my mouth... bleh >[
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[23 Jun 2006|11:45pm] |
LOLZ LIEK ANNOUNCEMENT BIATCHES!!1!!!!1!eleven!!1
I am getting a POOL!
Tommorow! And if any of you want to liek come ova and liek cannonball wit mi liek okays cum plz.
<3 Kthnx.
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[21 Jun 2006|12:35am] |
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 chipper |
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We are the Children of the Night-Happy Hardcore |
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I've been thinking alot lately, I've been having alot of "daymares" I'm kind of scared for some stuff, and I feel something...brewing. But yeah, I've been continuing my research, taking care of my babes, I also designed a comic today~ It's so kawaii! Hee-hee n.n
It's Called Matsukake. Which is the name of the main Charie, a Mushroom. ^^ I know, I'm weird, but you should really read it, it makes you smile. I'm going ot make a "volume" Which is one page, everyday if I can...
I also made the two main characters into clay~ You see, the main charie, Matsukake (means King of All Mushrooms in Japanese) was sparked from a clay figure I made one day, he was a mushroom, rather large compared to the others, and he had a small little crown on the left side of his "head" or the bell. I remembered, that in Harvest Moon, A wonderul Life, a mushroom was something you could have and one of them was called Matsukake, and the description gave you the deffie. n.n So, I was bored today, no one was on, and LJ was dead, so I went ahead and drew it. It's cute.
But yeah, I'm working harder at DDR too, I'm getting B's and even A's! I'm so happy! n.n
But yeah, I keep sketching out some designs that I want to make, basically some vests, maybe homemade muscle tees, lots of legwarmers, skirts...headbands, ribbons, hair thingies...yeah. I just need materials! Goodwill~~ ^^
I also need to get these fucking nails off! I hate them! I can't sculp anything with them! I don't know how I am going to make jewerly with them! I also need to borrow someone's printer. My printer has no ink, and I need to print out this stationary, so I can write you guys. ^^
Well yeah, I was thinking today...Just weird thoughts...like what I wanted people to do with my body if I died. I thought about cremation, but I don't know, just thought of being burried interests me. It's like a time capsule. I was thinking more on this and I wondered: You know how people ask to have like a blankie burried with them or something? Well, if it were me, I would ask them to bury a disc with all of my photos and files that I ever saved on my computers with me. I know, I don't know if someone would actually do that, but I would really appreciate it. ^^
I went to my skrink today. We are trying to win mom's custody over us. I had to sign my mental health records, my diabetic records, enocrinology records, and other personal stuff over. My dad is going to use them in the case so that we can win custody when mom comes back. After that war ends, dad is going to try to win the house. I mean, come on, she can't honestly support this house and property and all the animals on her own right? So, I'm happy about that, but, man did it feel good signing those papers!
I'm so glad, this means she'll be out of my life! Dad says there is a chance my grandpa may never speak to me again though. Like I said, he doesn't like the current situation, he isn't going to like the fact that I'm writing off his little girl as my mom in my life.
But he wasn't there.
None of them were.
They just don't get it.
I wish you all good health, I'm chipper today, Oh, Maddey is over and says hi~ Well, I miss you guys, alot. u.u See you.
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[20 Jun 2006|03:56am] |
Ex. Dee.
I just realized I have exactly 100 interests.
I fail at life.
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[07 Jun 2006|11:26pm] |
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Taking over me- Evanescence |
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I swear, this is on the list of the songs that have been "following" me. u.u It's better than what it could be though...
We went to the doctor's after school, and hung out at this arcade afterwards untill 9:00, there were these dudes who were absolutely AMAZING at DDR. I didn't know AAA's exsisted till now... o.O
Well, I'm going shopping friday...^^ I can't wait. Mushrooms!
Hmm...yeah, it was pretty today...all of the rain...
I setup my female tank. It has a nice peiic of drift wood in it, and I thinned the rocks in some areas and put a redish orange light under the tank and it looks like the tank is in the bottom of a volcano.
The tank is so cool...I can't wait for the newborns...if anyone wants an extra fish or two, let me know ^^;
I'm wondering if the trip is still on for tommorow...*sigh* I hope so. I don't want to go, but I want to skip school...
Mm...well that's it really for today...kinda boring really...nothing interesting...
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[06 Jun 2006|11:15pm] |
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October-Evanescence |
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Yeah, I have been meaning to post, but every night at the end of the night I just pass out for some reason, so I'm sorry for my lack of posting.
But yeah..I have been on a little Poetic jabb lately...I wrote the poem at the end of this a few nights ago...
Mm, yeah, so mom is coming home from friday night to sunday night...so I need to sleep over Ashley's. (Thanks!!) She comes home a bit before she goes to jail on Monday, rather than wednesday like I thought. I'm kinda upset that I can't trust her enough to be home with her, but you know, if I have a chance to be away from her, I will. Besides, I have a bad vibe from the idea.
So yeah, on a lighter note, we got 9 new Guppies. And two cat fish today. I was browsing through the fish and came across this tank in the back corner of the store full of fish like my goldfish. It was a 100gallon tank, and I swear, there had to be over 200 fish in it. No filter, the water was brown. And instead of having gravel to cover the bottom of the tank, the fish were gifted with dead fish bodies for an "ocean floor" I swear, they treat saltwater fish like they're gods, and they crowd the goldies and don't give a shit about em.
I also got another tank. It's 5 1/2 gallons, perfect for the baby fry. I am expecting..so yeah... ^^
I got this nursery thing. I'm skeptical on using it though, it looks weird :/ It basically floats on the surface of the water in the tank, and has a tiny slot on the bottom, the baby fry drop through the nursery into the tank and you remove the mothers. But the thing is so fucking small! That's why I'm just going to move all of the mothers into the bottom tank on my rack, I mean, the people tell you they eat their own young, but I had a mother live for 6 days with a bunch of babies, not even her own, and not a single one was eaten. So, I'm going to go with that method.
I also got my pagoda ^^ It is so cool. I'm going online and ordering one similar to it.
Matt got two catfish for his 20 gallon, they are really cool, he had made a little cave and they nestled up in there, it's so sweet...I want to take a picture. ^_^
But yeah...I'm hoping we don't have finals from any of our other teachers...I swear it's Mrs. Hoffman's time of the month again...
"Hide and Seek with the Moon"
Come on you,
let's play hide and seek
with the moon.
"When?"
Now you silly old loon!
Let's play hide and seek
with the moon!
Come on, follow me,
right here, right now
behind this tree
"Where?"
Here, now, run, run run!
Come on he'll get us,
He's not like that boring old sun!
"Where are you?"
"I'm Right here,"
"Oh, I couldn't see,
although I hear
your voice full of glee..."
"Come on now,
...The only time we can play
with that pretty moon
is not during the day..."
But at night...
When the skies are clear
of the colorful kite.
Come on' now, we have to run,
it won't be long untill the sky
is taken by the sun.
The time is nearing soon...
...A time when our games with
the silly old moon...
Come to an end
But don't sulk in sorrow,
Come tommorow's eve, our wounds will come to a mend.
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[01 Jun 2006|04:23pm] |
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Pinch Me-Bare Naked Ladies |
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So...today on the trip was pretty cool...the guys were a little uptight though...They kept acting like I was going to pull out a handgun and blow out the fish's brains. "..."
But yeah, some pretty neat critters, I have seen those Skates before...I think it was in N.C. But yeah...hot...humid...stuffy...too much wind...tangly hair...yeah.
I was pissed that the dolphins didn't come any closer. But it was cool to see them in the wild ya know? They don't look processed like the ones that do shows...
But anyway, last night I went and bought this underwater gravel filter for my guppy tank for the babies, it filters through the gravel. Dad said it should be fine for the Guppies, but when I came home today I found four of them dead, they were sucked under the gravel. I feel terrible...I turned it off and I was able to save one, I pull off some of the gravel and he swam up.
But still, I had a lot of those babies, and alot of them are dead, so fragile...I should have been more careful.
I also bought two Koi: Rose (white with four red spots on her back) and Yen (Silver)
They are happy and healthy. But my three goldies, Tippy, Nemo, and Killer are getting fatter and fatter, I can't help it though, they always look so hungry when I walk by that I have to stop and give them a snack. The 4 guppy parents are good, Lynn and Sheila are looking good, but I think Sheila is pregnant again... x.X
Anyway, I'm waiting till dad pulls in, I have to go to the doctor and she has to OK me on my shots and all...Then I'll find out if I can go over Ash's.
It made me think: DAMN we haven't gotten together in fo' ev!
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[31 May 2006|04:50pm] |
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some movie in the living room |
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Sorry for my lack of *real* posts...just been sorta busy.
We got a new fishie, his name is Brandon and he lives in our pond. We are going to Petsmart to get some stuff for the gups and maybe this cute japanese walking bridge....^_^
Thankies Nicholle for your letter. :)
Well...I think I am improving in math...polynomials seem pretty easy and I'm still not sure why she bothered teaching matrices....I aced my quiz today and plan to keep doing so...
I only have 4 real days of school left! SQUEE~!
<3333
But yeah...I had to call Ocean Aquarium today...I wanted to see if they sell Water Coolers. This would be a BIG help, because just yesterday, he water temperature went from 73 to 80. O_O I know. But the dude said they are rather exspensive, so I guess I will be doing 30% water changes every day after school. -_-
Well, I'mma gonna go, I need nicholle to mke my layout for my selling journal...
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[27 May 2006|05:18pm] |
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Mmm. I am having a so-so time...I'm a little upset by some of the side comments made by douche but...ya know, ya can't chanage the world...
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[23 May 2006|11:41pm] |
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Euphoric |
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Angel of Mine-The Open Door-Evanescence |
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I downloaded one of the songs from Amy's new album.
It's called Angel of Mine.
<3
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[23 May 2006|04:52pm] |
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Have you ever-The Offspring |
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THIS SUCKS!
How come we can only have six people? WTF? That is soooo messed up! My Aunt and Uncle are coming with Maritza, plus Dad and matt, that's 5 and then I need another 3 for Aunt Sandy and the girls! This is so fucked up! What about Grandparents? I am soo pissed.
PLUS They let that bitch Fanneika come. I HATE her. She made my first three months at Folsom hell. Plus, she never was a part of our school, so she doesn't even DESERVE to graduate with us. If she needs "secial help" than she obviously isn't fit to graduate AT ALL.
They give any dumbass they want a diploma...I swear...
Mrs. McGuire got a digital camera, she says if I help her set it up I can get more extra credit...
I found a tiny little pikachu trinket in a bucket of gravel yesterday when I was setting up my fry tank. I gave the trinket a bath and he is on my mini shelf. *SO* cute!
=^_^=
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[22 May 2006|05:39pm] |
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99 Red Balloons-Goldfinger |
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KuronekoBaka05: hi
AquaSpirit04: sup?
KuronekoBaka05: nuttin much....bored lol
AquaSpirit04: heh heh...
AquaSpirit04: I have a headache lol
KuronekoBaka05: oh...
AquaSpirit04: Owwwww....lol
KuronekoBaka05: why do you say lol?
AquaSpirit04: ...
AquaSpirit04: Cause every1 tlks LiEk DiS!1!!!!1!!!!11!!!! Duuuuuurrrrrr!
AquaSpirit04: LOL
AquaSpirit04: LOL
AquaSpirit04: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
I think I can cosplay as Sarah now.
xDD
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| Here's the Copy... |
[15 May 2006|11:42pm] |
Terms and Conditions Expected From YOU.
Upon entering our home, you will have spent one week of detoxication in an isolated area.
Coming back, there are rules, and conditions that you are to be expected to follow, practice, and make them a habit of your life. Whenever you need to come back to our home, you must follow my rules, dad’s rules, and matt’s rules.
Before I begin I would like to remind you that because you decided to have a few drinks, which turned into a lot of drinks over time, mom, you now will have to face these facts:
You will miss the Graduation of your eldest and only Daughter.
Your Daughter will most likely be driving before you get your license back.
You will miss your Daughter’s last and first 8th grade prom.
This, Mom, does not affect me at all. Why? Why am I not upset? Mom, it’s because I realize I do not have a mother anymore. I have a wisp. A wisp of once was a mother. I have a L.P. I have my wisp, which I will give one last, final chance to fight against L.P. If my wisp fails, I will never trust, place false hope in, or speak to my wisp. I will have L.P. and my wisp shut out of my life forever, and this is on my own accord. Dad did not tell me to write this, no one did, this is the truth L.P. I will have Dr. Randall write a letter so that you can no longer visit me if it comes down to you not being able to live with us. I’m tired L.P. I really am. I’m tired of hearing “Oh, I’ll never ever do it again” “I promise not to yell about dad in front of you guys” “I promise I’ll never hurt you ever again” “I Promise, I promise, I promise” That’s all I have ever heard in my life mom.
And you know what the sad thing is? You probably think that I’m speaking bull. You’re a great mom right? Your wonderful, you take care of the animals, you buy us food, you take us places. Yeah, every other mom I know does the same thing. Some more, but they do that. If the kids don’t have pets, the mother does something equally important. Yeah, me and Matt don’t help a lot. Sorry mom, but when I’m competeing to be in the top 1/16th of the class, trying to make sure Matt speaks and acts right in school, and hoping and praying to God that you don’t get in one of your bad moods, it’s hard for me to concentrate on anything else. After all mom, I am scared to death to come home from school. Scared to death. I’m afraid that if something happens, a bad mood perhaps, I’ll get wrestled to the ground while I’m trying to call Dad to come home early to help us. Don’t sit there and say it never happened, because it has.
Mom, I’m tired of having to hear “You fucked up our lives, this is why the house is so fucked up, because of you!” I hate it. It makes me so sad mom. I cry so hard at night. It’s hard for me to pay attention in school sometimes because I am so upset. I’m just lucky I have Ashley to keep me going and happy.
I know that was a bit harsh, but you don’t know how much more I could have said. But mom, I am here to support you. But only one week of detoxication is not going to make you super-happy-nice mom. And I’m not going to be here when you come back. I’m going to stay at someone’s house until you leave. I maybe can stay around you after a month or so. But mom, I know what will happen. I set one foot off that bus on Thursday, and I’ll be walking home because you lost your license. I’ll then walk in the door, and you’ll start the dishes or something to that extent. I’ll be in my room, on the floor, studying for my S.S. test on Friday as well as a Vocabulary test. All of a sudden, I’ll hear muttering, and then some slamming, and then finally a “Goddamn him!” And you’ll start. I’ll close my door, hear Matt’s close, and you will start screaming about how much he screwed up your life, that you want to runaway and kill yourself. You’ll say it is his fault you can’t smoke weed or drink anymore. I’ll try to sneak out of my room to get the phone to call Dad, and you will threaten to call CHOP if I do, or punish me some other way.
“That won’t happen, I’m better now” No mom, you’re not. One week doesn’t fix anything. And I’m not even sure 3 months will. I have no faith in your full recovery, but I have faith in your will to try.
With that, I will mention some conditions, and be on my way.
1. You will not under any circumstances, Drink Alcohol, or Use drugs. The consequence: Losing me forever, and your house forever.
2. You will take up any problems you have with me, matt, dad, or friends/co-workers directly, politely, and civilly. If you decide to take out anger on another, or scream at the person, I will have Dr. Randall write that paper faster than you can wink an eye.
3. You will allow me to cook for the family when I feel it needs to be done. When I do this, I’m only doing it so you can relax. I know how to use a stove, and I made 5 perfect meals this week.
4. You are not to threaten, verbally/physically abuse, or torment Matt or Dad.
5. You are not to complain to me, matt or dad about YOUR bills. They’re YOURS that means YOU should take care of them in your own way.
6. You are to try to be a little more accepting of others in this household. If Matthew wants to watch some T.V. when the T.V. is off, and no one was watching it, you are not to say anything to the following extent “Well, I wanted to watch the news/history channel” We share this house. We share everything in it.
7. If I need to use the computer to type in the family room, you will allow me to do so. I should be able to use that computer for school work, as much as your allowed to use it for paying bills.
8. You are to allow me to have my music loud enough so I can hear, and have it on all night. I cannot wake up correctly in the morning without music, and I need it on.
9. You are not to go into my room while I am sleeping or out of the house.
10. You are not to feed, clean, touch, or do anything with my fish. They are mine. I will take care of them. I don’t want you near them.
Now, even though I will not be here for the ten days your back, I wrote some of these so that when you come back in three months or so, you will have these to refer to. I have a copy, you have a copy, I understand and you will understand. Mom, I am very serious about this. You break any of these, you are out of my life forever. I’ll live with grandma or grandpa if I have to. Chris and Sue are ready to take me in at any moment. Believe me, I can go, and will if I need to. I’m not going to put up with L.P. anymore. It’s either Mom, or L.P. I choose Mom. And I will never allow L.P. into my life again, and only Mom can. If L.P. comes back, even for only a little bit, L.P. is taking herself and my wisp of a mother out.
Just remember mom, I love you. I do. I really do. I want to make this clear to you, and I can’t be emotional about it. I need you to see it in plain B&W. No more beating around the bush, no more lovey dovey, it’s plain and simple from here on out. I’m through with L.P.
If you cannot comply with this, I will never speak to or forgive you ever again.
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[15 May 2006|11:29pm] |
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Pieces-Dark New Day |
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Ugh...I HATED our meeting today. It was so fucking long, 3 hours...plus the room was full of addicts. i have to go every monday, and then every tuesday I have to go to personal physciatric meetings. -_- I want to die...this is too much. I hate mom for this, I wouldn't have to "support" her if she had'nt of drank. I'm tired of it. It's not fair that we have to go, I'm missing out on valuable study time because of her meetings and groups. It's not fair that my poor brother has to celebrate mother's day on saturday instead of sunday because the visiting hours at the rehab unit are only on saturdays.
Aside from all this...I just have to...get over it...I just feel like someone wrestled me to the ground, tied me down, and now I am struggling to get the ropes off. I just want some more freedom.
Sonic died last week. I didn't want to post about it because I thought you guys might laugh or make fun of me because I was so upset about it. He died on Friday. I walked into class and Morgan and Tommy were the only ones in, and they ket bugging me about why I was upset and then I just burt and told them how I found him on the rock, his body limp, cloudy pale white, his eyes lifeless, and his tail ripped down to a stub. I knew what happened, the others attacked and ate him. I knew it could have happened, he was ill, and in the wild, the ill are eaten first. I was just so upset...we burried him, and I burried my white faceted bead bracelet with him, I used to hold it in the water and he would swim through it...so I decided he should have it with him as he passes.
I'm so sleepy....not like sleepy I want to take a nap...sleepy like...tired. Tired of life. Tired of having to deal with bullshit all the time. I just...am...
I sent out my order for Exo on Saturday, 48$ ^_^ I can't wait to get my stuff...
I need to go to walmart and get some jeans...I wanna get some new skirts, not black, I'm thinking grays and offwhites and olive greens and maybe denim. Yeah yeah, denim is so "preppy" LIEK OMGZ LAWLZZZZZZ Whatever. I love denim. It's comfy, causal and feels softer and softer as you wear it more.
Anyway...I am going to post a copy of the letter I had to write to mom two weeks ago. This is what she hates me for right now. She always talks to me with this bitter sound in her voice, no one realizes it, but I feel it...It's bone-chilling, because no one can feel it but me...
But you tell me, what do you think? Was I too harsh? Or did I just tell her the truth, and gave her constructive critiscism? You decide.
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[09 May 2006|10:35pm] |
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music |
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Garden Grove-Sublime |
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Christ.
I've got my first parasite.
Zippidee Doo-Daa.
Jesus I have planaria! Help meeeee!!!! U___________________________________U Ewww Eww Ewww Ewww Ewww Ewww EW! GROSS! My poor poor poor baby Sonic. Poor Thing, living with such terrible Creatures.
RED ALERT NEVER BUY AQUARIUM PLANTS FROM PETSMART! THEY ARE DISEASED WITH PLANARIA!!!!
Sonic! You poor thing! They were eating your food! They made you unhappy, when your such a smart wonderful little baby!
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[07 May 2006|07:11am] |
Yesterday, after I got done posting, I continued shopping, talked to some folk on gaia, and then all of a sudden, out of the blue, a moan came from outside.
Now, my windows were wide open, but my doors were locked, and it was completely black outside. I got a little frightened, it felt like my stomach was in my throat. I calmed a little, and then I heard it again. "Ooooooooooooah!" The person sounded like they were in a lot of pain, or, worst case scenario, they were physco and were out for blood.
Then, three more times "Oooooooooooahhhh!" They grew louder and louder. I was home alone, dad went with matt to palace, so I was scared right away. I hid my laptop, and turned on a light. I ran to the phone and called dad, asking when he would be home. He said not for twenty minutes (Me thinking: WTF? 20 minutes? I'll be dead by then!) I told him to come get me because I heard some screaming outside.
I then called Ashley, she helped me alot. (Thanks!) She talked to me, and kept me company as I huddled behind the kitchen counter and wondered how much longer it would be till I was dead. Then, after what seemed to be a lifetime, I heard dad pull in. I hung up with Ash. Dad knocked on the door, I was still scared it was someone else, so I let them knock and then asked "Dad?" and I heard Matt say "Yeah it's us" I let them in. The moaning had stopped by now, and then we kinda just hung out a bit. Then It came again
"Ooooooooaaahhhhhhhh"
Me and Matt jumped and dad laughed at us calling us idiots. "Ya idiots it's the dogs!" Aw hell naw! That sounded human! I sweare it did, I never heard the dog howl like that before.
Nonetheless, dad won't let me stay home alone for a while. -_-
Stupid Dogs.
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| 5 days |
[06 May 2006|08:21pm] |
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blank |
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Ment to Live-Switchfoot |
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5 days have gone by since I last posted...
I know, it's a long time...
Well, it's going to be like that for me...I have no time to myself anymore. Because of her.
I have virtually no money...I have to wait till thursday to try and steal some...dad will give me a hundred, so I'll have about forty...plus the 8 I have...But there is no way for me to earn cash, I do everything there is to be done and don't get paid...
Anyway, today I went to visit mom. It was kinda...uncomfortable. At first we went in (the place is two houses from ACIT ) and we went into a room with a bunch of other people who had similar problems. One chick sat next to me, she was a mom with an 18 year old who smoke marujana. She said she loved me and my clothes and wished she could have me as her daughter. =)...=( That's basically how I felt about that. Basically the counselor talked alot about stuff I already knew. That took 4 hours. Then, I realized how lucky mom was to have us. There were two kids in front of us, same age, except the daughter was a snob, and the son was a dipshit. Their mom was roomates with mine. They didn't say a word. They fought while the guy was speaking. The girl was pissed off the whole time, and all the while me and matt are in the back, holding hands, joking about some stuff, smiling and being positive. So mom could just as easily deal with kids that didnt give her a last chance and acted terrible and bratty.
Anyway, The girl kept turning around and staring at me. I was in my patched jeans, a tee, a sweatshirt, cuffs, earings, braclets, my chokers, chain necklace, the works. I guess I looked terrible, but I didn't care, I basically "dressed up" so people would leave me alone...it's the opposite in a pergatory.
After, around 11:00, we went to "lunch" Their cafeteria is about the size of our bathroom at school, and their dining area has tables and chairs and is half the size of our gym. I didn't eat, I felt sick to my stomach, I hated being in the prescence of mom. She scared me. My uncle came, and I loosened a little, knowing I had two people that could protect us if things went bad. We just chatted, matt kept mom entertained, I showed mom my sun-poisoning, she asked if the animals were dead and how much take-out we have eaten, so I told her that we have had home-cooked meals everynight, that I don't burn things, and the animals are healthier than ever.
We left at 1:00 and went to the mall, my grandma bought me some shoes, and it was free comic book day and the guy gave me a manga for free. I got the heart locket and a headband, also some cool earrings and a ring.
We came home, and Echo, my 1,000lb horse was in the front lawn. I hd to put her and muffin back in the pen. After, I shopped on acme.com for food this week, went to the harley dawn for food with grandma, came home, at down, the dog jumped the fence, I chased the dog for a mile, came home, yeled at dad for not locking the door right, shopped at FormulaExo and now I am here..wondering why the hell this happened to me.
Because God and faith and trust have all left my family. We are alone.
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| Bad News. |
[01 May 2006|11:49pm] |
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Paula Cole- I don't Want to Wait |
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LP is coming home for ten days before she gets shipped off to another Asylum.
I can't be near her guys. I can't do it.
So, although this will be alot, I need you guy's help. I need to stay at someone's house for that time. I can not be near her. This is what will happen: I will wake up in the morning be shipped off to school, come off the bus, walk a mile home, get screamed and yelled at and probably torn apart by her. And you know what? I will run away guys. If I can't stay at you guy's houses or my Aunt's or something...I'll runaway. I can't be near her. She'll tear me apart.
She's going to miss my graduation. Not that I care, but I want this to be a lesson to all of you. Look how much one beer when she was 15 fucked up her life. She is going to have to miss the gradeschool graduation of her eldest and only daughter. She's letting her children's lives slip through her fingertips, because she wants to smoke pot and drink.
Yeah. That's right. LP still smokes pot. She only spends about 700$ a year on it, but that's why we can't go in her room.
I bet your wondering "Why didn't her dad stop her?" The only reason, is because if LP doesn't have the substances, she's a terrible rotten murderous woman. He only let her have it so we can be safe. I know it sounds crazy, but he was right in his thinking.
Oh, Ash, if you're still wondering, mom has had 3 DUI's. She has lost her liscense already.
Dad is finding an attorney, by next year, mom will probably be gone from my life.
The only way we can win the case, is using my record, yes my suicide attempts, against her. Why? Because those three times I tried, it was because she drove me to that point. As long as they know that, we can win our house.
I hate her guys. I hate her for soo many reasons. For almost killing us, for strangling me, for beating me and matt, for making matt think she's a good person, for lying to me, for stealing from me, for breaking her promises to dad, for beating dad, for yelling and screaming and throwing things at dad, for leaving us, for making dad leave me when I was little, for not taking care of my diabetes, everything. I hate eveyrhting about her. I want her out of my life forever.
I'm getting my physciatrist to write a paper that will state mom does not have visitation rights to me. I don't want her anywhere near me ever again. She has one last chance. When she comes home, if she drinks one sip of alchohol, or even dares to light up some pot, she's out. Forever. Never ever will she fucking ever come near this house. That's it.
She's out of my life.
I'm not letting her screw up my future, she screwed up my childhood, but I'm not letting her ruin the rest of my life, and the rest of my plans.
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[01 May 2006|07:55pm] |
Good Morning World!
I had an awful day. So stressful. I'm so tired of this seating arangement already. It's totally ridiculous. We should be having class in the gym instead. Arrgh! I am SO skipping a day.
On a lighter note, I came across a girl who is really really talented and cool. She goes by Exo. I love her jewerly, she makes all of her stuff, which is totally 110% AWESOME in my book. She uhm....inspired me...if that doesn't sound too corny...I might even start a selling journal. Even a joint with Nicholle? Ash you can come too. ^_^
But yeah...So I lost my vocab book. I searched everywhere in our homeroom. I looked through my house I don't know how many times, and my only other hunch is at school. But I am totally going to do awful in English. It's not fair! I had it all done! I love English too, which makes it even worse, because I hate failing in my favorite subjects.
Anyway, I burned myself. My back really, I was out all day yesterday with Maritza and Matt, installing a new pond. (Maritza says hi!) So, I am totally in pain. It hurts soooo bad. I put soothicane on, and it didn't work that well.
Well, I made dinner tonight. Mom will be back in 6 months. So...yeah...
Anyway, tonight I made a healthy spaghetti entree with boiled broccoli and some shreaded mozzarella cheese. It came out wonderfully.
If anyone has any healthy recipies please post!!!
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